Lately, I've been going to the Friday night Shabbat services instead of the Saturday morning services.  There's some similarity but at also a little bit of dfiference.  Main difference is the Torahs are not out on Friday nights whereas they are on Saturdays. 

So Friday night I went to one of the services and there was a potluck dinner afterwards.  These are always a struggle for me as I'm not good in these quaint intimate settings.  I prefer to people watch and get lost in the crowd.  I do my best to mingle or interact which I will admit is not very good.  But as I sat there tonight at this dinner I realized I have nothing in common with these people other than being Jewish.  I'm not a doctor or lawyer like most of the people that were there and I'm not about to put on airs that I am.  I work in a doctor's office but that is about it for me.  I am more of a country girl who loves her rock and roll and country music.  A lot of these people would have a heart attack if  they heard some of the music I listen to.  Now don't get me wrong, these people are very nice and pleasant but I just don't share the same interests they do. 

My one pet peeve though is having to explain where I live.  I might as well live on the other side of the world.  There is only 1 synagogue near me and the rest are on the other side of town (or world) .  I was almost ready to get a sign and hold it up letting folks know I am aware of that hour drive to shul. 

My rabbi told me to just jump in and start talking but then instead of just me looking lost in their conversations everyone would looking at me lost in my conversation and it would go nowhere.  I just can't imagine trying to explain some of the music groups I like, Bon Jovi, Nickelback, Mother's Finest just to name a few.  And then to explain what songs they sing... I just don't see it happening.  Just the titles of the songs let alone the lyrics would be enough to scare off these folks. 

So we'll see what next week brings and not to mention the High Holy Days just around the corner. 

Quoting Scriptures

Lately it seems people want to quote Bible scriptures. I've never been one to memorize scriptures or quote scriptures. Much less understand why some people think it's so important to quote scriptures. Most of the time when I encounter people like this I walk away or I just tune them out and they eventually realize I'm not listening.

With the social network age upon us I often encounter this online especially on Facebook. My News Feed can get cluttered with people quoting scriptures and I have to either hide the post or refresh. This is when having over 350 "friends" on my page comes in handy because there is almost always somebody posting. Problem is these people think they have to post several religious postings - I guess they know people like me miss a lot of status updates due to the amount of friends I have and how frequent they post. Yeah, I'm being a little sarcastic with that last statement.

What I don't understand is why these people feel the need to quote scriptures and often try converting someone to their beliefs. I converted to Judaism on my own nobody approached me. This was something in my heart that was there for a long time and I never said anything until I knew in my heart I was making the right decision. But my decision is for me. I don't believe anyone has to claim a religion or even attend worship services. Why do others think they're responsible for someone else's choices? We're all only responsible for ourselves and the decisions we make not what everyone else decides.

These same people who are quoting scriptures and posting are the same ones that if you look at their pages and the comments they make in various threads are hpypocritical. If you're going to preach it then you need to LIVE IT! I really just don't have time for folks like this.

1st night of Pesach

Well, tonight was the first night of Pesach. I switched things up this year and opted out of going somewhere for a Seder. It's been nice and relaxing. But the best part was getting to talk some friends, some Jewish some not and just talk. Some of it was about Pesach some of it wasn't. But it was nice to just talk and share "stuff" with friends. It was nice to come offline for a bit also. I still have the option of going somewhere for the 2nd night but I think I'm going to opt out again. It's nice to have these options and have people think of me enough to invite me but getting home at 1AM or 2AM from a Seder isn't what I wanted to do this year. While I'm not doing the traditional Seder I still very attached in my heart to the Jewish community that I love so dearly.

Pesach

So Pesach is upon us. I always struggle with Seders. I know we're always supposed to either have/attend a Seder the first 2 nights. But for me it's also a time of reflection and remember what the Jews went thru when they left Egypt and the freedom that came with being released from slavery.

As I watch what is being said on a listserve I participate in I see other Jews by Choice struggling with some of the same things. Pesach tends to be more for those with families. I'm single and only have 2 dogs. I have no children. I love kids so the kids aren't the issue. But how does a single person fit into a family oriented event. Yeah, most folks my age have kids whether they're married or not. That's just not the way it's worked for me so far in my life. I also tend to be more casual than other Jewish families I'm in contact with. I don't mind dressing up for dinner but I'm just not a white tablecloth and napkins and elbows off the table type gal. I dread getting asked the same questions by others at the Seder... what kind of job do I have? am I married? why did I convert? what denomination of Christianity was I? As I sit there answering their questions I find myself being so far away from their world. I know they mean well and it's just casual conversation which is why I oblige and give polite answers. I know as well as they do I can't explain some of these answer in 2 sentences much less one evening of conversation. So then the awkwardness begins.

Don't get me wrong the Jewish friends I have especially at the shul I attend are wonderful folks and are great examples of how to live a Jewish life. I love them dearly and have a lot of respect for them. Not to mention they have taught me a lot and allow me to continue to ask questions and provide answers. I'm just not good in large groups of people and there tends to be at least 15 people at these Seders. Some know how I feel about being in groups of people. They say they're going to get me to overcome this but I don't think there is enough wine for me to drink to do so. So this year I'm taking Pesach one day at a time and spend more time reflecting on what I believe G-d wants for me and do it.

Angels

I've been away from my blog for a while and been thinking it's time to get back on here and start writing more of my thoughts.

Lately, it's been about angels. When I was in the process of converting I was told that Jews didn't believe in angels. And even though my name means angel I couldn't go with the Hebrew word for angel which is Malach (or variations of the spelling). Well, that's not totally true. Angels are spoken about in the Tanakh.

But lately, I've been having dreams and some haven't been very good dreams in fact I would call them nightmares as they've scared me for what they revealed. I was talking to someone I work with about them and she said I had an outer body experience. I don't really know how I feel or what I think about the dreams. But what I do know is I DO BELIEVE IN ANGELS. I just don't understand the scary dreams.

As for my Hebrew name well... I didn't want the Hebrew for my given name so it wasn't an issue for me. I love the name I chose... Kochava Vered (Star Rose)

High Holidays 5771

So it's been a while since I've made a posting on here... The High Holy Days have come and gone yet again and we welcomed in the year 5771. This year was no different as they start out with Rosh Hashana and gathering with friends for good food after services. Although I still haven't quite gotten a grip on this social gathering of 20 or more people that I don't know very well for lunch I am handling it better. I really do prefer small groups of people not to mention I'm not well with someone who wants to be the talk of the lunch so to speak. But I keep giving it a try every holiday when I get invited in hopes I'll get more at ease. But I will say the food is always good with the exception of my forcing down the gefelte fish (I just don't like that fish).

I was asked by a few people what my new year resolutions were going to be. Well... the holidays aren't so much about resolutions as they are about renewal and forgiveness - at least to me. I did make some resolutions but I started those a few months ago as I don't believe you have to have a holiday to do so. But it was more about forgiving others I had grudges or ill feelings about things with and forgiving myself for things I didn't follow thru with or should have done.

I managed to run into a few people while at services I hadn't seen in a while and that is always fun. It's always fun to run into those who are in the process of converting and talking about our feelings towards certain topics. There is a bond that can happen with those of us who have chosen to be Jewish because we have questions that those who were born and raised Jewish either never had or wouldn't think of. And to know that those of us who have chosen our faith instead of just being raised in it is always something I am proud of. We've taken the time to find and know what's in our heart and that's something a lot of people I have come across can't say they have honestly done.

I hope to be back more often now. And to share in this wonderful year of 5771.

So one of my favorite Jewish artists is Debbie Friedman. Every week we lift up those who are in need of healing and then we sing this song.

http://www.debbiefriedman.com/Mi_Shebeirach.mp3

I found a youtube site that shows the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXm3lX19nQg

The English and Hebrew are interchanged letting you know what is being sung. In my synagogue we do not have instruments on Saturday so everything is sung/chanted acapella. On Friday nights we occasionally do have instruments and music.