Recently I have spoken with someone regarding their journey with conversion and it has made me think of my journey.  I had lots of highs and lows with mine but the one constant was the peace I felt and still feel in my heart about being Jewish.  I was very happy to hear that this person is in a very happy place with their journey as they reach the formal part of conversion.  I couldn't be happier for them.  As I approached the formal part of my conversion it was one of those roller coaster rides.  Unfortunately, the synagogue I attend was in the process of going through some difficult transitions and even though I didn't know what all was going on I was aware of the tension and sadly those transitions involved the rabbi I was converting with.  Even though things were going on within the synagogue I was still at peace with my decision and it made me turn to prayer even more as at the time due to circumstances beyond my control G-d was the only one I had to turn to.  After all, the covenant I was entering into was with G-d so it made sense that is who I turned to.  I just didn't feel I had the community to lean on at that time. 

So, would I change anything about my journey?  NO!  This is the journey G-d had planned for me... well maybe not exactly but everytime I took a wrong path he always led me back to the path he wanted me on.  We all have free will it's just a matter of following your heart and sometimes that is easier said than done. 

Do I wish a few things happpened differently?  Of course!  I started out in Reform Judaism but after 2 years I wasn't connecting with any of the synagogues I was visiting.  But then I wouldn't have learned some of the things that I did about myself and Judaism. 

I do wish however the controversy and tension that was happening at the synagogue I converted at and still attend had not been there.  Everyone was so focused on the tension and the dirty laundry that was getting aired it made it very uncomfortable.  I remember wanting to meet with the senior rabbi before my formal conversion and he managed to make some time for me but if I had it to do all over again I would not have had the rabbi I converted with in on that meeting.  Sadly, I didn't really get anything out of that meeting.  I remember just wanting that rabbi to say to me that it didn't matter about all the controversy and tension that was going on around me and just remember G-d has my back.  See, I knew and still know this but sometimes when you're facing changes and transitions you just want an extra pat on the back knowing someone else supports you and your decisions. 

With this being said I do need to add a disclaimer in the event any of the people I am referring to read this or people know who they are I have no ill feelings towards anyone.  In fact, I have a lot of respect for the rabbis I am speaking of.  The one I converted with has moved on to other things and new adventures.  The other rabbi I am referring to is someone who cares for the congregation and community and delivers very good sermons and many that make me think.  As for the rabbis I met in the Reform synagogues... just because I didn't connect with any there are many that do. 

I must add I am not one for groups of people.  My comfort zone is small groups of people and then it still takes time for me to open up.  I tend to sit back and watch and listen before jumping in with my thoughts and comments.  I tend to congregate towards people who love animals and as much as I hate to say it I haven't found anyone at my synagogue who has a love for animals.  Now I know most people aren't on the level I am about animals but there has to be someone who has a love for animals that hits the rictor scale in there somewhere :-)  I guess that will be another blog for another day :-)   

My advice for others going down this path... ALWAYS LISTEN TO AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART! 

I remembered a phrase I hear from time to time from my friends and that is sometimes they have to have a "come to Jesus meeting with someone".  Meaning just get it all out in the open.  Well, obviously that wouldn't make much sense for me to say and out of nowhere I wrote "I'm going to have a come to Mt. Sinai meeting".  It was said in a humorous way because it had to do with my lawnmower (and for those that know me know how much I dread starting up the lawnmower because they always give me problems so we have to have a prayer session before, during and after cutting the grass - which always ends with a thank you when I'm done and the lawnmower has cooperated).  Well, this past Sunday it didn't cooperate and got left in time out in the middle of the yard.  So when one of my brothers came over to repair it yesterday it started up and purrred like a kitten for him.   There were a lot of thoughts that went through my head but instead I came in the house and let my brother finish cutting my yard for me and decided me and the lawnmower had to have a come to Mt. Sinai meeting.  I don't care if Moses, Noah or Elijah show up but me and the lawnmower are going to have to come to terms in another week.  So somebody needs to say a prayer for us at this meeting :-),  And when I told someone about this incident their response was it was Murphy's Law - if it's broke for me it will be just fine for someone else.  My response... KISS MY GRITS!!!  LOL! 

So the moral of this little story is even when things are frustrating sometimes you just have to take a step away (not necessarily back) and just find the humor in it and laugh and eventually things will get better!