1st night of Pesach

Well, tonight was the first night of Pesach. I switched things up this year and opted out of going somewhere for a Seder. It's been nice and relaxing. But the best part was getting to talk some friends, some Jewish some not and just talk. Some of it was about Pesach some of it wasn't. But it was nice to just talk and share "stuff" with friends. It was nice to come offline for a bit also. I still have the option of going somewhere for the 2nd night but I think I'm going to opt out again. It's nice to have these options and have people think of me enough to invite me but getting home at 1AM or 2AM from a Seder isn't what I wanted to do this year. While I'm not doing the traditional Seder I still very attached in my heart to the Jewish community that I love so dearly.

Pesach

So Pesach is upon us. I always struggle with Seders. I know we're always supposed to either have/attend a Seder the first 2 nights. But for me it's also a time of reflection and remember what the Jews went thru when they left Egypt and the freedom that came with being released from slavery.

As I watch what is being said on a listserve I participate in I see other Jews by Choice struggling with some of the same things. Pesach tends to be more for those with families. I'm single and only have 2 dogs. I have no children. I love kids so the kids aren't the issue. But how does a single person fit into a family oriented event. Yeah, most folks my age have kids whether they're married or not. That's just not the way it's worked for me so far in my life. I also tend to be more casual than other Jewish families I'm in contact with. I don't mind dressing up for dinner but I'm just not a white tablecloth and napkins and elbows off the table type gal. I dread getting asked the same questions by others at the Seder... what kind of job do I have? am I married? why did I convert? what denomination of Christianity was I? As I sit there answering their questions I find myself being so far away from their world. I know they mean well and it's just casual conversation which is why I oblige and give polite answers. I know as well as they do I can't explain some of these answer in 2 sentences much less one evening of conversation. So then the awkwardness begins.

Don't get me wrong the Jewish friends I have especially at the shul I attend are wonderful folks and are great examples of how to live a Jewish life. I love them dearly and have a lot of respect for them. Not to mention they have taught me a lot and allow me to continue to ask questions and provide answers. I'm just not good in large groups of people and there tends to be at least 15 people at these Seders. Some know how I feel about being in groups of people. They say they're going to get me to overcome this but I don't think there is enough wine for me to drink to do so. So this year I'm taking Pesach one day at a time and spend more time reflecting on what I believe G-d wants for me and do it.

Angels

I've been away from my blog for a while and been thinking it's time to get back on here and start writing more of my thoughts.

Lately, it's been about angels. When I was in the process of converting I was told that Jews didn't believe in angels. And even though my name means angel I couldn't go with the Hebrew word for angel which is Malach (or variations of the spelling). Well, that's not totally true. Angels are spoken about in the Tanakh.

But lately, I've been having dreams and some haven't been very good dreams in fact I would call them nightmares as they've scared me for what they revealed. I was talking to someone I work with about them and she said I had an outer body experience. I don't really know how I feel or what I think about the dreams. But what I do know is I DO BELIEVE IN ANGELS. I just don't understand the scary dreams.

As for my Hebrew name well... I didn't want the Hebrew for my given name so it wasn't an issue for me. I love the name I chose... Kochava Vered (Star Rose)

High Holidays 5771

So it's been a while since I've made a posting on here... The High Holy Days have come and gone yet again and we welcomed in the year 5771. This year was no different as they start out with Rosh Hashana and gathering with friends for good food after services. Although I still haven't quite gotten a grip on this social gathering of 20 or more people that I don't know very well for lunch I am handling it better. I really do prefer small groups of people not to mention I'm not well with someone who wants to be the talk of the lunch so to speak. But I keep giving it a try every holiday when I get invited in hopes I'll get more at ease. But I will say the food is always good with the exception of my forcing down the gefelte fish (I just don't like that fish).

I was asked by a few people what my new year resolutions were going to be. Well... the holidays aren't so much about resolutions as they are about renewal and forgiveness - at least to me. I did make some resolutions but I started those a few months ago as I don't believe you have to have a holiday to do so. But it was more about forgiving others I had grudges or ill feelings about things with and forgiving myself for things I didn't follow thru with or should have done.

I managed to run into a few people while at services I hadn't seen in a while and that is always fun. It's always fun to run into those who are in the process of converting and talking about our feelings towards certain topics. There is a bond that can happen with those of us who have chosen to be Jewish because we have questions that those who were born and raised Jewish either never had or wouldn't think of. And to know that those of us who have chosen our faith instead of just being raised in it is always something I am proud of. We've taken the time to find and know what's in our heart and that's something a lot of people I have come across can't say they have honestly done.

I hope to be back more often now. And to share in this wonderful year of 5771.

So one of my favorite Jewish artists is Debbie Friedman. Every week we lift up those who are in need of healing and then we sing this song.

http://www.debbiefriedman.com/Mi_Shebeirach.mp3

I found a youtube site that shows the words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXm3lX19nQg

The English and Hebrew are interchanged letting you know what is being sung. In my synagogue we do not have instruments on Saturday so everything is sung/chanted acapella. On Friday nights we occasionally do have instruments and music.

Birkat Ha-Hammah (The Blessing of the Sun)

Birkat Ha-Hammah, The Blessing of the Sun happens once every 28 years. This is when it is believed that the sun is in the exact place that G-d put it on the 4th day of creation. Last week on April 8, 2009 was the day the Jews took time to stop and reflect on the creation of the world. This year also meant this celebration fell on day of Erev Pesach (eve of Passover).

As several of us gathered at the synagogue on this morning we had the regular minyan service that takes place every morning followed by a brief continental breakfast with a lecture given by someone who has written about The Blessing of the Sun. We then went outside for a brief service and were instructed that we were not to look directly at the sun but to be instead in it's presence. It is important to remember at the end when we bow during Aleinu that we make sure we do not appear to be bowing to the sun but rather to G-d our Creator.

Scriptures that are read:

Genesis 1:14-18
Jeremiah 31:35-38
Psalm 136:1-9

There are prayers read, one being:

Barukh Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melekh ha-olam,

Oseh ma'asei v'reisheet

(Praised are You, Almighty G-d Ruler of the Universe,

Who carries on the constantly unfolding work of Creation)

There are several other prayers and songs read and sung during this service that lasts about 20 minutes.

We always end our services with Aleinu (this is a transliterated portion that we chant in Hebrew):

Aleinu l'shabe-ah la'adon ha-kol, la-tet g'dulah l'yotzer b'reshit

she-lo asanu k'gyei ha-aratzot

v'lo samanu k'mishop'hot ha'adamah

she-lo sahm helkenu kahem, v'goralenu k'khol hamonam

(we then bow for the next line)

Va-anahnu kor'im u-mishtahavim u-modim

lifnei melekh malkhei ha-m'lakhim, Ha-kadosh Barukh Hu

This is the English version:

We rise to our duty to praise the Master of all, to acclaim the Creator, G-d made our lot unlike that of other people, assigning to us a unique destiny. We bend the knee and bow, acknowledging that Supreme Sovereign, the Holy One, exalted, who spread out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth; whose glorious abode is in the highest heaven, whose mighty dominion is in the loftiest heights. This is our G-d; there is no other, In truth, G-d alone is our Ruler, as is written in the Torah: "Know this day and take it to heart that Adonai is G-d in the heaven above and on earth below; there is no other.

This was an interesting service to attend. It is supposed to be done at sunrise but no later than 12:00 noon. I still have a lot to read on this subject as I like to do when learning something new. So hopefully, in 28 years when this happens again I'll know a lot more.

Pesach and Seders

Pesach is one of the 3 pilgrimage festivals, also known as Shalosh R’galim and in English is known as Passover. This holiday commemorates the Exodus of Egypt. It’s also known as the beginning of the harvest season. A Pesach Seder is written in a book called the Haggadah. Pesach begins on the 15th day of the month of Nissan. Pesach comes from the Hebrew root word Peh-Samach-Chet which means to pass through or over in order to exempt to spare. G-d passed over the Jews homes when he was slaying the first born of Egypt.

Words to Identify With:

Seder – The first night of Pesach there is a special family meal (friends are often invited). The meal is called a Seder which comes from the root word meaning “order” because there is a specific order that is discussed around the table.

Seder Plate – A Seder plate has 6 circles or sections for the different herbs and foods;

• Maror; bitter herbs – most often used is horseradish. This symbolizes the bitterness of slavery.
• Z’roa; Charoset; Chazeret; Karpass; vegetable (most often used is parsley – this is usually dipped in salt water before eating). This vegetable symbolizes the origins of the Jews.
• The salt water symbolizes the tears shed about the Jews slavery.
• Some people place an orange on the Seder plate. It is placed on the Seder plate to represent a conversation that took place at the Jewish Theological Seminary where someone many years ago asked if women would ever be admitted into the college to become rabbis and someone said that would be like an orange on a Seder plate. There is a little more to this story but this is the foundation of the story. And YES Reform, Conservative and Reconstuctionist Jews allow women to be rabbis!!!

Haggadah – The book that is read from during the Seder


The Four Questions – Also known as Mah Nishtanah (Why is it different?) are the first words to the 4 questions.

“The maggid is designed to satisfy the needs of 4 different types of people:

1. The wise one, who wants to know the technical details
2. The wicked one, who excludes himself (and he learns the penalty for doing so)
3. The simple one, who needs to know the basics
4. The one who is unable to ask, who doesn’t even know enough to know what he needs to know.”
   
   

A blessing is recited over a second cup of wine at the end of the maggid and then drunk.


My first Seder I attended was interesting yet awkward. I knew about the food and story of the Jews freedom from slavery out of Egypt. Interesting yet awkward at the same time listening and talking with others on how they felt enslaved. Thinking about how I feel enslaved in everyday life made me think later on as I went home that my idea of being enslaved is nothing compared to what Moses went through as well as the Jews who fled Egypt and slavery. We all have/had pain and suffering in our lives.

I have since been to several Seders and I have yet to feel completely comfortable. I don't know if part of it is because I don't have those family traditions of growing up Jewish that others have and I'm just starting to make my own. I know I don't like to see people stressed out over preparing for hosting Seders and I have seen that over the years. Sometimes we just have to let things happen and go with the flow. I'm also still not comfortable with the reading of the Haggadah as everyone uses something different whether it is purchased, from the Internet or they write their own. But I'm still attending Seders and I do find something I enjoy about each one I attend.

Maybe I’ll have a doggie Seder – yeah seriously – animals are G-d’s creatures too!

Well this statement alone was enough to send the rabbi I converted with into a frenzy even to the point of not wanting me to mention this to other rabbis because she felt they would not approve. First off she wasn't an animal person (hmmm... I love animals, especially my dogs). We never did come to an agreement on this topic and it was an obstacle to overcome because our views are very different. I have since learned having mentioned this to a few rabbis since my conversion this is not true. I have found other rabbis who are fine with my feelings towards dogs.

But as far as a doggie Seder my beliefs are:

All animals are G-d’s creatures. I’m sure animals of all kinds were on the journey out of Egypt. I have heard of one company who has dog food for dogs specifically for Pesach. If you think about it humans aren’t supposed to have chametz during Pesach so why should dogs and most dog foods (at least what I feed my dogs) does. So why not try to include them. My dogs like matzoh balls and really love the soup base. I love and adore animals and treat them as family so for me it would be natural to include them. After all my dogs have a Hebrew name as either their first or middle name. Maybe this is something only animal lovers can understand but my dogs are a very important part of my life – after all they get Chanukah presents. We should celebrate all life whether human or animals all the time but especially Pesach and the High Holy Days.

I am part of a list serv where I can talk about these topics. I really enjoy this forum as it gives me a safe place that I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts and concerns. I have found much support for things I struggled with while going through my conversion as well as things I face now after having formally converted. I recently posted my thoughts on Seders and brought up this Doggie Seder and someone responded with one of the best responses I have ever received. She suggested I could write an animal-centered one, and include some of the history of animal rights in Judaism. And the comment that really got my attention was her suggestion of using a Milk-Bone as the shank bone. And you know, I think I'll take her up on her suggestion and give it a try.